I Need Life Alert

help, I’ve fallen and I can get up but no one cares.

I work from home, which gives me the freedom to sleep in, grocery shop in the middle of the day, and apparently die.

Let me take you back to Marg Night June 9, 2015
It was like any normal Marg Night. I was drinking a margarita and Cayla was on the phone asking about donating a liver (#what #idontknow #askhernotme). After dinner, I did my usual routine of driving through Krispy Kreme, getting some donuts, and then going home and crashing.

Then like every other Marg Night, I woke up at 3:30 a.m. with a horrible headache, full bladder, and parched mouth. As I stumbled out of the bathroom, I tripped over my laundry basket in the middle of the hallway in pitch darkness.

I tripped. My arms went in the air and I came crashing down.

this hurts a lot.

I giggled and then groaned and looked around just waiting for Kassidy and Winston to come out of her bedroom and rescue me.

After 30 seconds on the floor, I realized that wasn’t going to happen.

Anxiety meds
I am the actual worst at taking pills. I place the pill on the back of my tongue, take a big sip of Dr Pepper, and attempt to swallow the pill about 20 times before actually doing it.

And half of the time, I don’t successfully swallow the pill and end up doing this weird choke/gag/spit up thing.

This happens every day. EVERY. DAY.

And every day, Winston watches me run to the bathroom, stand over the sink and cough my lungs out because I just nearly died trying to swallow my anxiety med.

It kind of makes me anxious.

Heels are hard
After Emily’s wedding reception, about 25 saints volunteers helped clean up. For some reason, I was one of those people and it will never happen again because PMS does not clean and should never clean again and this is proof. After a night of dancing in heels, my feet were donezo, but I still carried some heavy things to a car because #bridesmaidduties. As I was walking out, I felt myself falling. My heel turned to its side and I began wobbling. But instead of actually falling to the ground, I struggled to keep my balance, while also trying not to drop the things I was carrying. My feet wobbled for about 10 feet while about 10 men just watched me in horror.

I need Life Alert.

One thought on “I Need Life Alert”

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