I don’t cook. It’s exhausting. I cooked my first real meal a few weeks ago and if you were wondering how old I am, I’m 24 and life is very hard.
I got my cooking genes from my mother. Anytime my father was out of town and my mother and I were left to cook for ourselves, we often ate ice cream or cereal for dinner help.
HARD BEING SKINNER WOMEN.
|Skinner women like birthday cake made by ICE Daddy.
But last night, I attempted to bake a potato. It’s also important to note that I was saying that I attempted to bake a baked potato and then someone pointed something out to me.
IT’S HARD, Y’ALL.
Simple steps, here we go:
step one Have Kassidy throw away all of your potatoes but one because they had all gone bad. You don’t know what a bad potato looks like, so you trust her.
step two Ask Kassidy if you need to wash it before cooking it.
step three Wash it by running it under hot water in the sink. Attempt to scrub off a sprout but don’t try too hard.
step four Wrap it in foil
step five Set the oven to 400 degrees
Realize Kassidy has some egg white muffins things in the oven and you just screwed up the temperature of that.
step seven Apologize and giggle
step eight Set the potato down and go back to your computer
Have Kassidy yell at you because you didn’t poke holes in the foil-wrapped potato. Tell her your father never did that to your potatoes growing up, so you don’t trust it.
step 10 Give it and let Kassidy poke holes in it.
step 11 Have Kassidy tell you her food is done and put your potato in the oven
step 12 Set oven to 400 degrees
step 13 Tweet and ask people how long to bake it for
Have a stranger tweet you with instructions
Have your dad tweet you
Realize you’ve disappointed your parents and try to think of the things you are capable of doing on your own.
step 17 Realize you are a pretty good live tweeter of reality shows. Wonder if that will provide for a family one day
step 18 Lie to Kassidy and tell her it will only take 45 minutes
step 19 After 45 minutes, tell Kassidy you lied and it will be another 15 minutes
step 20 Take out the potato
step 21 open (?) the potato and realize how undone it is. Giggle to yourself.
step 22 Put it in the microwave for one minute
Go to the bathroom while the potato is in the microwave
step 24 Keep it in the microwave for another two minutes
step 25 Practice your model walks while potato is in microwave
|tay is a model. gtfo.
step 26 Take it out
step 27 Realize it’s still not done
step 28 Throw it away because you hate yourself and America
Go to KFC and order the KFC bowl and wonder why people even cook ever.