I hate movies.
I hate sitting for more than 90 minutes and with that said, I just finished the entire sixth season of Teen Mom 2 in one weekend, but like whatever.
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Because I hate movies, I rarely go and when friends suggest I sit down for one, I fake an anxiety attack and leave.
I’m going to give you my idea on what some movies are about based on little to no knowledge. Here we go.
In my mind, Harry Potter is about a boy who was stuck in his closet bedroom but escaped to Hogwarts. He goes to magician school and meets Ron Howard and one of the Emmas and they are the three best friends anyone could have. But then they have to be separated into four different houses to learn specific magic stuff. Harry goes to be a Grynffdor, Emma is a Ravenclaw and Ron is a Hufflepuff. Together but separate, they learn all the different magic tricks to eventually take down Snape, the big bad man who made fun of HP for being stuck in a closet. Then Moaning Myrtle shows up and is super effing creepy and then HP and everyone dies because even their magic couldn’t save them.
Speaking of boys trapped in closets, this one is tough to admit because one day in college, I had this sudden overwhelming sense of, ‘Am I even a Christian because I’ve never seen Narnia? Will God even let me into Heaven? How do I explain this one to my fellow churchgoers?’ So one day I decided to watch it and wow, I have no clue what it’s about. Still. After I watched it and I even read the Prince Caspian book in seventh grade, I still have no idea. I know there’s a closet and the lion is supposed to represent Jesus and there’s snow everywhere and literally that’s it. That’s all I got.
No idea. I know this takes place in the future and the world is ending or something, so they all have to fight to the death for food. Jennifer Lawrence is like the chosen person to fight for her country or state or something, so she has to shoot a lot of bows and arrows to prove her worth. Then because nothing is ever simple enough, there are two men in her life and she constantly goes back and forth between those two men. I’m team #Hutcherson but that’s just because Liam does not do it for me.
Speaking of two men and having to pick one, I have seen some Twilights but I was drunk most of the time, so once again, I have no idea what happened. I know Bella is super weird and hangs out in the woods and falls in love with a vampire and werewolf. She then has to choose between them because everyone knows vampires and werewolves don’t get along. So then she goes back and forth between both men and eventually has a daughter with the vampire, but then the werewolf makes a move on the baby? I’m team #Pattinson just because Lautner’s tan skin and sweet smile doesn’t do it for me.
Lord of the Rings
I don’t even want to do Lord of the Rings because I don’t even know. Is there a hobbit involved?
Forrest Gump is about a mentally-challenged person who is fighting in the Vietnam War. He has one friend, who is a black male. Forrest Gump goes on a lot of adventures and eats chocolates, but ultimately dies fighting– his life and the war.
I Am Sam
I think this is about a mentally-challenged person, too?
Good Will Hunting
This movie is about gay brothers Ben Affleck and Matt Damon and together they go hunting. But when they enter the wilderness, they see Robin… (*shouts to roommate* “Who’s that guy? Robin” “Thicke?” “No, the dead one.”) Williams.
Oh Brother Where Art Thou
I know this movie is based on some Greek mythology book… I think The Odyssey? I also know George Clooney is in it and I had to watch it in school… but I have no idea what grade or what it was about. I think there was singing in the movie? Lord, help me.
I know this movie is nominated for an Oscar, so it’s probably about a woman inventing a mop, but honestly, I don’t know. I know Leo is in it and he looks cold on the movie poster, so I’m assuming he goes skiing and does some cocaine.
I’ve never even heard of this movie. Like, I have no idea if it’s old or new, but I’m going to assume it’s a football movie and the football players have to overcomes many obstacles if they want to win the game and the girl.
I’m pretty sure this movie is about cocaine.
How did I do?