Let me start this blog off with: I never get embarrassed. I hate when people try to purposely embarrass someone. So to avoid that and just being embarrassed in general, I decided one day in college that I wasn’t going to get embarrassed anymore so I don’t. Don’t like get all excited. I’m not trying to go all ‘eat pray love’ and inspirational and start a movement on you or get this blog picked up by Thought Catalog, I’m just stating something, so calm down. With that said, no one said I wasn’t awkward. It’s just that I typically own my awkwardness and go with it. So with all that said: story time.
*WHAT ACTUALLY HAPPENED GOD HELP US ALL*
Attractive male: “What’s new?”
PMS: “Oh, you know. Just saving the world.”
AM: “Oh? Is that an ‘S’ on your chest?”
PMS: *Silent but thinking* What? An S on my chest? Is he referring to my chic Free People gold choker I’m wearing? Does it look like an S?
Then it dawns on me…
PMS: “Ohhh, like Super…”
Then I start thinking, should I say man or woman, like I was genuinely sitting there overthinking if it would be better/funnier/more politically correct/make me a better feminist to say Superman or Superwoman and then I was like, should I tell him I don’t watch superhero movies, well if I had to pick a favorite superhero it would be Superman because he’s the most like Jesus, should I tell him that, then I started thinking about that horrible Charlie Puth song ALL WHILE THIS MAN JUST STARES AT ME.
*after 15 seconds go by*
AM: “Yeah. You thought I was just looking at your chest?”
PMS: “NO, NO, NO.”
I will not get embarrassed, I will not get embarrassed, I am above this, I can make this a funny interaction, I can save this, you’re witty, you’re quick, you’re mentally sharp, think PMS, think.
AM: “You’re turning red.”
YES I AM. CONGRATS. YOU FINALLY EMBARRASSED PMS. HERE’S YOUR MEDAL.
PMS: “This conversation is over.”
AM: “Yeah. Goodbye.”
I survived the interaction because I’m a survivor thank you for your continued support I’m never going to get married.