It does not discriminate. It doesn’t care who you are, where you’ve been, where you went to school, how many Twitter followers you have. It will take its time. It wants to really make sure you’re not the fraud you look like. It wants to read your outside and inside and your soul.
I’m talking about the card reader thing that reads your debit card chip. It really rocked my world. I don’t know who the eff decided we needed to be extra secure, but now Target and other retailers, mainly just Target, has introduced a card reader thing, where instead of swiping your debit card like the Tinder profile it is, you must now enter it into a machine and have it read its chip, like the chip on your shoulder.
I’m a great writer.
Text your friends useless info
|no seriously why doesn’t anyone care|
Tweet the serious stuff
|need to kno.|
Scroll Pinterest for a new hairstyle
|can i pull this off|
Swipe right, swipe left on Tinder
He’s cute, he’s not, swipe, swipe, swipe, I love technology.
Find a guy on Tinder who is also shopping at Target and meet up with him
Might as well go on a date while I’m waiting for this machine to read my chip.
Shoplift a Butterfinger
If you don’t do it, you’ll die from hunger waiting for the machine to read your chip.
Judge your cashier
She can’t keep her purple weave on and it’s funny.
Read a magazine cover-to-cover
What has Jennifer Garner been up to? Is the Bachelor couple still together? Is Jessica Simpson married yet? Did Brangelina adopt another kid? Are florals in for spring? I love US Weekly.
Paint your nails
Pull out the Essie nail polish you bought and start painting your nails.
Do your taxes
Go ahead and also pull out that TurboTax you bought and start doing your taxes on your smartphone. Might as well. You have time.
Marry the Tinder guy
I mean, he’s there, you’re there, you might die waiting for the card reader to read your chip, so don’t die alone, just marry the Tinder guy.
Start a family
Start a family. Raise them in Target. Go all out.