Hell (n.) is where you go when you die because on earth, you denied Jesus as your Lord and Savior. This is a Christian blog now. I’m a children’s pastor now.
Hell on earth (n.) is my apartment with a broken air conditioner.
Thanks for your prayers in advance.
Yes, it’s me. I’m sweating, but I’m still under my comforter because I’m weird, and I’m inside an apartment with a broken air conditioner.
It was 5:47 p.m. Thursday when I came home to a makeshift air thing in my living room. There was a business card on the couch with a note that said our air conditioner was broken and they needed to find a part to replace.
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It was 5:48 p.m. Thursday when the first tear rolled down my cheek in months.
It was 5:49 p.m. Thursday when I texted my roommate.
Here’s some background information on me. I can’t do heat. I hate the outdoors all year long, but during the summer, I rarely step outside. I don’t know why I live in Texas either. But anything hotter than 65 degrees is too hot. Oh, I also occasionally pass out when I’m too hot. Places I’ve passed out:
- Six Flags Over Texas waiting in line for the ship ride
- My friend’s front yard playing
- A Texas Tech game when I was like 12 (THIS WAS FALL TIME IN LUBBOCK NOT EVEN THAT HOT IT’S FINE)
- Six Flags again, waiting in line for the Titan (haha i hate six flags haha i’m not laughing tho)
- A hospital (wasn’t because i was hot, but because i can’t do hospitals, i’m dainty, it’s fine)
- One time I passed out while eating fried chicken because my tooth died (???) and I saw blood and passed out. Not heat-related, but I just wanna make a point
- Also, one time in college I was super sick and dehydrated and passed out and went to the emergency room, seriously, i’m not a baby, why would you say that.
- One time after drill team practice in the locker room. haha high kick practice amirite
SO IT GOES WITHOUT SAYING, JUST WITH SOME NICE BULLET POINTS, THAT I DON’T DO HEAT WELL. SO DON’T CROSS ME WITH THAT SHIT.
So la la la, getting through Thursday was fine, then Friday hit me like a damn bus because all of a sudden it was 80 degrees in our living room and it took us awhile to figure out we should probably close the blinds. Anyway, I was set to attend a fashion show Friday night. I called the Uber and when he got here I asked to sit in the front seat because I wanted the air that badly.
Then I tweeted about the Uber driver’s song choice and BP RTed me, shameless plug, whatever.
Then I get to the fashion show and SEE THAT IT’S OUTSIDE. IT’S OUTDOORS. IT’S JUNE IN TEXAS AND SOME FASHION DESIGNER WAS LIKE YEAH LET’S DO IT OUTSIDE. I cursed the entire time and chugged two bottles of water.
Then I made Brad pick me up and asked to go see Finding Dory just so I could sit in a cool movie theater. I didn’t even like Finding Nemo so of course I didn’t like Finding Dory, but the air conditioning, I would give an A+.
I hate summertime and I hate living with no air and bye, I’m going to get Braums.
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