Would I Date Burke Ramsey Today And Other Questions I Have Regarding Jonbenet

Last night, the 305th Jonbenet Ramsey special aired and I don’t even know the title of what it was called, I don’t know the hashtag for the event, I know nothing, yet I know so much and yet, I still have questions.

“Who tf cares?” -my boyfriend

“I do. And my friends. That’s why we all group texted throughout it.”

Is this necessary?????

Probably not, but I watched it all. I mean how many Jonbenet specials do we need before we finally just say SCREW IT. ASK GOD WHO DID IT WHEN YOU GET TO HEAVEN, NOSY BITCHES.

Is the gardener Marilu Henner????
At one point, they interview the Ramsey’s gardener and he remembers everything. Jonbenet used to play in the leaves, Burke was quiet, Patsy talked about OJ Simpson once. Like??????????? Does he have that memory thing Marilu Henner has???????

Why don’t I trust Pasty????
I would trust Jon Ramsey to babysit my child today, but I don’t trust Patsy to bag my groceries (I know she’s dead but you get it). Why don’t I trust her? Am I sexist against my own sex??????????

How tf did those investigators hear anything during the 911 call????

this movie scares the hell outta me.

During the infamous 911 call, Patsy like stops talking to the 911 operator and all you hear is mumble. The investigators have taken the liberty to try to enhance the mumble to see if they can hear what was being said. I heard nothing. They miraculously heard “Help me Jesus” and “What did you do.” They also seem to think they know who said what.

No one has thought to interview the 911 operator????
The FIRST thing I thought when I watched this was, where is the 911 operator?? Then the 911 operator does the interview and says no one has ever interviewed me before. Which I find hard to believe???????

Would I date Burke Ramsey today????

what do you know did you kill your sister would i let you buy me a drink

My favorite party questions to ask these days are: “You’re 45 and a single mother going to church every Sunday. There’s a nice, intelligent man in your Sunday School class who is v spiritual and attractive. You don’t know his name but he asks you out and then you find out it’s Brock Turner. He’s a new man. Do you go out with him?” AND “If Burke Ramsey hit on you at a bar, would you pursue dat?” That’s all. Ponder that. Who needs Apples to Apples when you have those questions to ask at your next dinner party. Thank you.

Why won’t Burke accept my Twitter request?

How do you become a handwriting linguist?
Because like, can this handwriting linguist not. He said something about how the ransom note said “home” so that must mean a female wrote it????????? Oh????????????????

How tf is Boulder even a city anymore after that shitshow?
Like, I’m mad. The Boulder PD effed up so badly by not interviewing Patsy and Jon, I’m actually offended. Obama should declare Boulder as not even a city anymore. Why is that extreme.

Y’all. This was so ignorant I cannot even. The investigators wanted to further investigate the whole flashlight-found-in-the-room thing and the-hole-in-Jonbenet’s-skull thing. Was it Burke who hit Jonbenet in the head with a flashlight? Could the force of a 10-year-old boy do that? ONLY ONE WAY TO FIND OUT. LET’S HIRE A 10YO ACTOR TO HIT A FAKE SKULL WITH A FLASHLIGHT ON CAMERA TO SEE WHAT KIND OF DAMAGE CAN BE DONE. Y’all. I’m still distraught over the entire thing.

What’s the hashtag for this thing?
There was no hashtag for the show last night so like none of my tweets went viral. It’s fine.

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