The moment I knew I hit rock bottom: Tim Allen as my phone background

This is a Just PMSing original series titled “The moment I knew I hit rock bottom” where I tell y’all about some of my lowest moments. Don’t feel sorry for me. Just laugh and buy me a drink. If you have a story you feel can top mine, then start your own blog.

It was the middle of the afternoon at Gloria’s in Addison, Texas. I was with some friends and my boyfriend enjoying a margarita swirl and chips and bean dip. I had no idea what the swirl margarita consisted of, but I do know after four sips, I was drunk.

That’s when I started passionately talking about Gwen Stefani. “You have to give Gwen cwedit, though.”




Everyone put their heads in their hands and knew I was done for. My day was over. I was drunk. Four sips of Gloria’s had won and I had lost. But if you thought it couldn’t get any worse from pronouncing credit like a thick-tongued 3-year-old, just you fking wait.

Somehow mugshots got brought up. Somehow Tim Allen’s mugshot got brought up. Somehow I googled Tim Allen’s mugshot. Somehow I saved the picture on my phone. Somehow I made it my phone background. Somehow I’m alive today.
I remember my friend Cayla telling us that mugshot used to be her Myspace background. In my drunken state, I thought that was chic as hell for some reason. I don’t know why. I’m embarrassed. I don’t know what’s in Gloria’s margaritas, but thanks to them, Tim Allen’s 1978 mugshot with a mustache is now my phone background.
You can’t possibly hate me more than I hate myself.

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s