All I Want Is Clear, Even Skin Without Changing My Diet of Dr Pepper And Cookies

Why is that so much to ask. Why.

Let’s take a trip down memory lane and think about ole PMS’s skin.

I’ve never had good skin. I’ve had a pimple on my face since the day I came out of the womb.

Then one day I came home from high school (?), college (?), no idea, and Proactiv was on my bed. MY FATHER HAD BOUGHT ME PROACTIV.

i don’t mean it dad this gif was just the best


Not even mad, just kind of like wow ok, subtle, I started using it and it made my skin feel soft. But like Proactiv has three steps and I barely walk three steps each day, so like how about no.

So I stopped using Proactiv and then one day my mother tells me she made me a dermatologist appointment.


Kidding. This was also v nice of my mother because all I had to do was take some pills and that was v nice even though I hate the actual act of taking pills, I love what pills can cure. Headaches, hangovers, anxiety, depression, life, etc.

So I started taking like 13 pills a day for my skin and soon, my skin was clear and everyone was like ooooo you’re so pretty!

So then one day I missed my dermatologist appointment by accident and I’ve literally never gone back because I am literally the laziest person on this green earth.

But my skin has stayed pretty clear.

My skincare routine as of like March 2017:
Take off my makeup at night with a Neutrogena makeup remover wipe
Wake up the next morning and wash my face in the shower with Cetaphil face wash

And that was it.

And then one day, I heard the word toner.

My friend Augusta Neal mentioned toner and I couldn’t stop thinking about it.

What is toner, should i be using toner, will toner tone me, will toner make me prettier, will toner get rid of my cellulite if i put it on my thighs, where can i find the best toner.

So I went to Target and found a toner. And I bought it. And started using it. And became obsessed. Not because of the results but because I could see all the dirt come off on my cotton pad. And that was an amazing feeling.

But then it started breaking me out and instead of stop using it, I kept using it because I loved the dirt. Then one day my roommate was like PMS, this toner has alcohol in it and I was like yeah, and she was like no, that’s not good.

So then I did what any sane woman would do and I went to Sephora and bought a more expensive toner.

Let me remind you. My skincare routine before was perfectly fine. But I had convinced myself I needed toner.

$24 later and I had a ~moisturizing~ toner.

But that wasn’t enough. I wanted even skin tone. So I researched. I watched hours upon hours of beauty vloggers explain what they use in the morning and night. Vitamin C and some kind of exfoliating treatment would help me, I convinced myself.

I bought two, TWO, face washes from Target, a knockoff Clarisonic, some Mario Badescu spray, and Clinique moisturizer, but I refuse to start drinking more water or cut back on Dr Pepper or eat better.

My skincare routine as of like June 2017:
Take my makeup off at night with the same makeup wipe
Swipe some toner all over my face with a cotton pad and stare at the dirt
Use some Garnier cleansing water to take off the mascara
Wash my face with Cetaphil in the shower in the morning
Wash my face with a knockoff Clarisonic with a Vitamin C scrub
Moisturize with Clinique

I look the exact same.

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