It’s the biggest day of the year. Nov. 10, 2017. The day I have been anticipating for the last three years. It’s the day Taylor Alison Swift is finally releasing her sixth album.
Taylor Swift is my queen. My everything. My beginning. My end. When she releases an album, it’s not that I simply download it and listen to it when I think about it. I buy a digital version. I buy a physical album. I buy all the merch. I listen. I analyze. I pour everything into it and it pours everything into me.
SO LET’S REVIEW WHY NOV. 10 WAS ACTUALLY THE WORST DAY OF MY LIFE.
It’s 8:30 a.m. and I am awake. I worked a little and decided to go ahead and make the cold, wintery trek to Target to buy the reputation (lowercase r) CD and the Taylor-made magazines she was exclusively selling at Target.
I buy the CD and both magazines because I literally can’t decide and I would hate to miss out on some important pictures or information. I self-checkout because it’s all too embarrassing what a 27-year-old is doing at 8 a.m.
I get back in my car and unwrap the CD. I go to take out another CD in my 6-CD changer. (CDs in rotation: Speak Now, Red, 1989, Brett Eldredge Christmas, and another Brett Eldredge CD.)
But no CD is coming out.
Oh, that’s not good, I think.
I try again. Nothing.
This is a crisis because I must listen to reputation now.
I tell Siri to take me to the nearest Mazda dealership. I drive 15 minutes and the woman tells me they can’t see me until Wednesday. I make an appointment and head back home.
I am upset but trust that this is probably a common thing with Mazda 6s and I will probably have to pay like max $200 to fix it.
I head home and search other Mazda dealerships and finally the Mesquite one says they can see me in an hour.
I drive to Mesquite and the workerman asks me if anyone is picking me up. I say no, I’m gonna sit here until you fix my car. I then look him in the face and say, “This is an emergency. The new Taylor album is out and I need to listen to it.”
He giggles and says, “OK, I can have someone look at it right now.”
I go and sit in the lobby and about 15 minutes later, he walks toward me. I had a good feeling. I mean, it’s a CD player, I’m at the Mazda dealership, this is all fine.
He says to me (rough quote bc i blacked out halfway through what he was saying), “OK, I unplugged something to see if it would restart and it didn’t. The problem is probably the entire module and to replace that, it costs between two and twenty five hundred.”
My jaw dropped. My eyes teared up.
When “two” first came out of his mouth, I thought he was going to say “two to two hundred.” But nope $2500 to fix a CD player.
“So the CD player is done,” I ask, trying not to be a grown woman crying to a grown man over a CD player.
“I’m afraid so. We can run a diagnosis, which would cost $90, but we think that’s the problem.”
I left. I got in my car and thought I might as well drive my car off a cliff. It was worthless without a CD player.
I went home and just wanted to drown my sorrows in Cheetos. I looked everywhere for my bag of puffy Cheetos.
My roommate had eaten them.
I began looking at the Taylor-made magazines I had spent $20 each on. Inside, to my amazement, was a CD.
Oh, this comes with a CD, I thought.
I’m sure it just has the single on it.
It doesn’t. It’s the entire damn album.
A CD came in both magazines.
I have three CDs and no CD player.
THEORIES ON WHY THIS IS HAPPENING TO ME: I did a bad thing and listened to the album when it was leaked. I rationalized it in my head because I knew I was going to buy a physical album and the digital album and was like have I not given enough of my time and money to this rich bitch, I think I can listen to a leaked version a few hours early. Just think of me as a Secret Sessioner. But now I think I am being punished by the Taylor gods.
Second theory: God is literally telling me to stop worshipping false idols. My CD player in my car was working fine, but the second I went to put in reputation, everything stopped. This theory is literally the only reason I haven’t cried over it. But if God wants me to start listening to worship music, he’s got another thing coming.
With all of this said, I now have two extra CDs and if you are a Taylor fan/still own a CD player, I’m giving them away. Please comment below (on the actual blog, not FB) your favorite Tay lyric of all time. I’ll announce the winners noon Wednesday.