Being 28 years old means these things:
- You survived the 27 Club
- You are almost 30
- You are no longer in your early 20s
- You’re the age Paul McCartney was when he went solo
- You get up in the middle of the night to pee
The last one (No. 5) has been the most shocking. At 5 a.m. this morning, I found myself stumbling to the bathroom and taking a nice long pee. Never in my 28 years before have I woken up from a (sober) slumber and peed. If I did happen to do this, it was because I was still drunk (or hungover).
Old people always talk about having to get up in the middle of the night to pee.
Old people: “Wow, last night I got up to pee and I couldn’t go back to sleep.”
Young people: “Wow, I slept through the night.”
Old people: “Yeah, I eventually just went to the couch and watched TV (the old person is married in this situation and can’t wake up their partner).”
Young people: “Wow, haha, yeah.”
I am now the old person in this scenario. But luckily for me, nothing can keep me awake for too long, so right after I get up to pee, I am back in bed and snuggled in and back to sleep.
There is also a 97 percent chance I have to pee in the middle of the night because of the acne medication I’m on. It says peeing a lot is a side effect, but I also think it’s because I’m old now.