I Dissect ‘Girl in a Country Song’

Have you heard this song?

It’s the best freakin song on radio right now because it’s full of sass and girl power and it makes you want to walk right up to a male and hit them for no reason.

Preferably Luke Bryan.

If you’ve listened to it 19 times in one day, like I have, then you might have noticed that Maddie and Tae don’t just generalize their stabs, they take particular stabs at bro country artists and their extremely stupid songs.

I broke it down so you can really get the full effect and enjoy it next time it comes on the radio.

Maddie and Tae: “Well I wish I had some shoes on my two bare feet.”
Stab: Jason Aldean’s Take A Little Ride and his line “Put your pretty pink toes on the dash and lean your seat back.”

M&T: “And it’s getting kind of cold in these painted on cut-off jeans.”
Stab: Chris Young’s Ah Naw and the line, “It would be so wrong if we didn’t dance one, show off those jeans you painted on.”
Other possible stab: “She’s got the blue jeans painted on tight” from David Nail’s Whatever She’s Got.
Other, other possible stab: “You’re looking so good in what’s left of those blue jeans” from Luke Bryan’s Drunk on You.

M&T: “I hear you over there on your tailgate whistling.”
Stab: “You can find me in the back of a jacked-up tailgate, sitting around watching all these pretty things” from Jason Aldean’s My Kinda Party

M&T: “Saying, ‘Hey, girl.’ But you know I ain’t listening.”
Stab: Billy Currington’s Hey Girl song

M&T: “Cause I got a name and to you it ain’t Pretty Little Thing.”
Stab: “Sitting round watching all these pretty things” from Jason Aldean’s My Kinda Party.

M&T: “It’s driving me re-re-re-re-re-re-re-redneck crazy.”
Stab: TWO BIRDS, ONE STONE on this one, people! The uttering red part comes from Blake Shelton’s Boys ‘Round Here and the Redneck Crazy is from Tyler Farr’s ignorant song about basically killing an ex and her new boyfriend.

M&T: “Now we’re lucky if we even get to climb up in your truck and keep our mouths shut and ride along…”
Stab: Possibly Justin Moore’s Lettin’ The Night Roll and the line “You look so damn good climbing up in my Chevy.”

M&T: “Well shaking my money maker ain’t ever made me a dime. And there ain’t no sugar for you in this shaker of mine.”
Stab: Thomas Rhett’s Get Me Some Of That and the line “You’re shaking that money maker like a heartbreaker like your college major was twistin’ and tearin’ up Friday nights. Love the way you’re wearing those jeans so tight.” THAT LAST PART WAS A BONUS.
Other possible stab: “Drip of honey on that money maker” from Luke Bryan’s Drunk on You.

M&T: “Tell me one more you gotta get you some of that.”
Stab: Pretty much Thomas Rhett’s entire song

M&T: “Sure I’ll slide on over…”
Stab: “Slide your pretty little self on over, get a little closer” from Jason Aldean’s Take A Little Ride.

M&T: “Ah naw”
Stab: Chris Young. They’re just stabbing Chris Young and the entirety of a song titled Ah Naw.

M&T: “Conway and George Strait never did it this way back in the old days.”
Non-stab: Look up Conway and George songs and see if you can tell a difference in tone because that sounds like too much work at this point.

M&T: “Down some old dirt road we don’t even want to be on.”
Stab: “I can ride you round town and drive you down some old backroad” from Justin Moore’s Lettin The Night Roll.

M&T: “I ain’t your tan-legged Juliet.”
Stab: We got a word-for-word case here. It’s a stab at “You can be my tanned-leg Juliet, I’ll be your redneck Romeo” from Jason Aldean’s My Kinda Party.

Wasn’t that fascinating? Emily Stines helped with this one, so here’s her shoutout. What do y’all think? Give me feedback. I love like feedback.

23 is the sexy age

I hated typing that headline as much as you hated reading it, don’t worry.
Taylor Swift taught us 22 was confusing and exhilarating at the same time. It was mainly innocent as we jumped on trampolines and wore cat ears.
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And then BAM, Miley comes along and changes the game for 23.

Ok, this song isn’t really about being 23, but she’s twerking around and acting all sexy like with what I suppose is some kind of sexy Michael Jordan Halloween costume. (I had to google that to make sure it was right.)
Actually, I don’t know. Do guys think Miley is hot? Has a male made it this far into the post? Discuss in the comments.
Men all over Hollywood are dating 23-year-olds. 23-year-olds are also running the world (Don’t be scared).
Post-gradness is scary, but just take my hand and jump with me. (This line is not from a movie, but from Paige’s real romantic life in which a male tried to convince her to date him. She said no.)
This is our time.
Chris Pine is dating a 23-year-old.
My face when I see her mainly because I'm jealous.

Jennifer Lawrence is 23 and she’s far from a grown up, which means maturity is an option for us, too.
Leo DiCaprio’s girlfriend is 23….. WAIT. WHAT, SHE’S 21?!?!?!

Monica Lewinsky was 23 when she had her infamous presidential affair. I’m not saying go out and have an affair, but so far that’s been the peak of her life, soooooo…

Rita Ora is 23 and I’m not completely sure who she is, but she’s pretty?
Ryan Phillippe is dating a 23-year-old law student. Wow, rest in peace, Reese and Ryan circa Cruel Intentions
Jessica Simpson turned 23 during her first year of marriage with Nick Lachey and sometimes I still watch the Newlyweds and cry over how simple everything was back in the day when two C-star pop stars were madly in love and Jessica made ponchos cool.
Margot Robbie from Wolf on Wall Street is 23.
Have I made my point? As far as guys: Ed Sheeran, Liam Hemsworth, and others are 23. Ok?????

What happens when Taylor Swift likes your Instagram photo

I follow a lot of Taylor Swift fan accounts on Twitter and they always post paparazzi shots of her looking flawless, including this one.
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I went to my favorite site ever, tayswiftstyle.com and saw that the beautiful dress was just a somewhat affordable TopShop dress.
I convinced my father to buy it for me because ~dAdDy’s GiRL~
I put the dress on for a casual/cute Sunday and decided to Instagram how ridiculous it is that Taylor Swift could probably wear an American flag and I would think it was cute.
Recently, Tay has been liking and commenting on fans’ Instagram photos and it has been confirmed it’s her, so in the very, very back of my mind, I knew there was a slight possibility she could respond to my photo.
Here’s what I instagramed.
What happened next is all a daze.
12:20 p.m. Taylor Swift was the first one to like the photo. So not only did she like it, BUT SHE WAS THE FIRST ONE TO.
12:21 p.m. Immediately, IMMEDIATELY, a bunch of crazy Swifties (I’m one of them, so I can say that) start going insane on the photo, informing me she liked it and how lucky I was and congratulating me.
12:22 p.m. I texted Emily.
12:22 p.m. Katie texted me.
12:23 p.m. I was shaking.
My parents weren’t home and I needed to run through the house to tell them.
12:25 p.m. People were liking the photo like crazy. Random people started following me like I had some mysterious Instagram gift. People were commenting on old Instagram photos of me telling me how pretty I am (no, I know).
12:27 p.m. I upload a screenshot of the like to Facebook, so every social media network knows about my success.
12:30 p.m. My parents arrive home.
12:33 p.m. My father asked when I’ll get a checkmark by my name.
12:34 p.m. I explain to him that just because a celebrity likes your photo, it doesn’t make you a celebrity.
12:41 p.m. A Brad Paisley superfan tweets me and says how he’s jealous and adds to my theory that Brad’s superfans are going to murder me.
12:45 p.m. I start to make lunch for my mom and me. My mom demands I change out of the sacred dress before entering the kitchen.
12:46 p.m. I change dresses.
12:55 p.m. I eat lunch.
12:56 p.m. My mother tries to explain social media to me and how for it to continue to get more likes, I need to keep commenting on it. DO YOU HEAR ME? MY MOTHER TRIED TO EXPLAIN SOCIAL MEDIA TO ME. Ok, mom.
1:41 p.m. Swifties are still freaking out and my friends are quickly bringing me back down to earth.
1:48 p.m. This ignorant photo has 273 likes and I love Taylor Swift.
3:11 p.m. A friend I haven’t spoken to in a couple of years texts me about my Insta fame.
3:23 p.m. This woman, who I’ve never met, tweets this and then DMs me about wanting to read my real stuff. I mean, I’m not mad.
Later. This girl is commenting on my old Insta photos, telling me how she wants to be me and how pretty I am and I don’t have the heart to tell her I’m the biggest loser ever.
TWO people have told me I look better in it than Tay and I’m like ok.
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I’ve stumped my friend who does social media marketing as a living.
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And, finally, I was tagged in this photo as a contest in who is better: blondes or brunettes? I don’t know how to feel about this.
9:22 p.m. 801 likes on the photo and still going.